What playing the piano taught me about growth mindset

I used to think I could never get better, until I gave myself permission to just take a different approach.

About five years ago, I purchased an online piano course. I was super excited to improve my piano skills, so I dove right in, and I spent an hour a day studying and practicing.

A lot of the information was new, and it took concerted effort on my part to learn it all. I had to repeat most lessons probably 5-7 times for the material to sink in.

Then, I’d have to practice each exercise in the lesson a dozen times or more just to get familiar with it – then another dozen times to feel like I was actually getting it down.

It was a lot of work, but I was learning! And, for the most part, I was having fun doing it.

But after a couple of months, I’d only made it as far as Lesson 7 (which lesson included the very first “rhythm” exercise of the entire course).

I kept practicing every day, but try as I might, I just wasn’t getting it. It was almost like my brain wouldn’t allow me to master this exercise. Still, I kept at it… for a while…

Eventually, I stopped playing.

I really love the piano though, so every now and again, I’d decide to give it another shot. I’d start by reviewing the early lessons. Next, I’d “brush up” on the exercises I already knew. Then, when I was ready, I’d tackle the rhythm exercise.

I never got any better at that exercise, though, so inevitably, I always gave up. I told myself I’m just not any good at the piano, and I put it out of my mind for good.

Until I moved to Lubbock.

I came here to create a new life for myself, after all. And I really do love the piano…

When I first got settled in my apartment, I set up my digital piano in the spare bedroom.

Every once in a while, I’d find a reason to sit down at the piano for 20 minutes or so – but I wouldn’t play any of the exercises from that dumb piano course!

Instead, I’d just goof off, playing whatever I felt like… whether I was any good at it, or not. I just played because… well, because I liked it.

I didn’t play regularly, and I didn’t ever think about “improving” my skills. After all, I’d already decided I wasn’t actually “good” at the piano. But I still liked it, so I mean… what’s the harm in doing something, just because you like it, sometimes?

Anyway, I wasn’t playing regularly, but I was playing again.

And I was having fun playing.

And that’s the key to this story: I was having fun playing.

Because I wasn’t trying to grow, or improve, or become the greatest piano player ever since Jerry Lee Lewis… suddenly I was giving myself permission to enjoy the piano again.

And this is the other key: I was playing in a new environment, in an apartment that I had arranged and set apart with the purpose to encourage growth, learning, and safety (which is vital because you have to feel safe in your environment in order to learn and grow).

Because I was safe – and because I was having fun – it’s as if my mind decided one day, all on its own, that maybe I was good at the piano… and maybe I was ready to learn that rhythm exercise, after all, and finally start to really grow as a musician.

And within days, something magical happened.

I sat down at my piano, and I got out the sheet music that had the rhythm exercise I was stuck on. I played the exercise the way I always have before: crudely, slowly, counting the rhythm by speaking “one, two, three, four,” out loud as I played.

I was doing the exercise, but I wasn’t doing it well.

Then out of nowhere, I reached down and I turned on the metronome on my piano, and I set it really low: 50 beats per minute. I clapped my hands in time as I counted again, “one, two, three, four.”

I clapped my left hand on my thigh as I played the right-hand melody. I clapped my right hand to the rhythm as I played the left-hand chords. Then, when I was ready, I played both hands together, as I counted along with the beat of the metronome.

“One, two, three, four, one, two, three, four.”

It took a couple days of this routine, of setting the metronome, and speaking the count out loud, and clapping both hands together, then clapping one hand on my thigh as the other hand played the notes, then finally putting both hands together on the piano…

But I finally got good at the exercise that had held me back for five whole years!

I finally felt like “I can get better at the piano!”

And over this past weekend, I made it all the way to Lesson 9. Whaaaaaat?!

Looking back, I feel like a couple things made this possible:

One, I love the piano so much that even though I “gave up” on ever getting better, I never gave up on how much I enjoy just making sound (even if the sound I make isn’t any good).

Two, I know, in the back of my mind, that other people have struggled to learn the piano like I have, and they got better at it somehow… and if they could get better, then my mind knew that if I ever wanted to, I could get better, too. (Even though I’d already tried to convince myself otherwise, I knew deep down that I really could learn. I just had to really want it, and be ready to do what it takes.)

Three, my willingness to slow down and to break the problem up into smaller pieces. I couldn’t “get” the exercise the way I was trying to – but once I broke it up and practiced each individual segment by itself, I was then able to bring those segments together and improve on the entire piece.

Four, my environment is different than it was five years ago. I now live in a space that’s dedicated to peace, safety, love, forgiveness, learning, growth, and grace. This created an environment where I have the freedom to explore past limitations and to outgrow them.

Five, my own mindset is vastly different than what it used to be.

Before I moved to Lubbock, I fundamentally believed that I would never get any better. That I was incapable of the kind of lasting change I wanted. That my problems defined me… and my past would always determine my future.

Today, I know that none of us are limited by our past, or our problems.

Yes, there are things in this life that we can’t control, and there are limitations that we can’t overcome. Even so, our potential is limitless.

There may be some things we can’t change. For instance, I’ll probably never be a basketball player, an astronaut, or the leader of a first-world country.

(I mean, I suppose I could be, if that was what God wanted me to do, and I was willing to do what it takes to actually do it.)

But for the sake of this discussion let’s just say that I realize there are some dreams that don’t line up with our reality…

and the best thing we can do in those instances is to let those dreams go…

That said, you can still accomplish your other dreams…

you just have to believe that you can…

and then be willing to do the work to make that dream a reality.

And that’s what I’m discovering through this silly, simple, rhythm exercise:

I believe I can “get better” at the piano, and,

I’m willing to do the work to make it happen.

(I guess you also have to know “what work” to do… but that’s for another week…)

As of this writing, I fervently believe that when you know you can do something… and you’re willing to do the work… nothing can stand in your way.

Except for maybe, your own fears and doubts… but if you know you can do it, and you’re willing to start… why would you give your fears and doubts even one more second of your time?