Dealing with PTSD myself, I can totally relate to the fear you experience because many things in my day-to-day life scare me too. My emotion mind tells me that I have every right to be scared, but my wise mind tells me that I just need to chill out and not let my fears hold me back from doing the things I want to do, including finding some joy/happiness in my life. Yep, I'm afraid of joy/happiness because I fear that something bad will happen the very moment I allow myself to feel it and it will all be taken away. It happened all throughout my childhood and so many times in my adult life, so why would it be any different now? I see glimpses of and feel genuine bits of joy/happiness from time-to-time and then my protective behaviors kick in and push it away. Then my Type-A, perfectionist, critical self chimes in and I beat myself up for pushing away what I want so badly. What a battle...Thanks for sharing your story, Michael.
Thanks Betsy. It's definitely not something you can work out in, like, one afternoon. 😅 Some bits of our past, we might be able to reframe fairly easily, but in my experience there are some things that need professional help, and time and patience, in order to resolve.
I wonder though: what would happen if you and I took a week, or a month, and start paying attention to and expecting the joy/happy moments, instead of focusing on or anticipating the fear response? I don't think that would solve everything outright... but maybe it could introduce more balance into the equation... I'm gonna try it and see what happens.
Hey, Michael - You're taking a lot of steps forward that I was frightened to take years ago. This reminded me of when I went on some of my first airplane trips, as you mentioned what it was like to get a shuttle to the hotel from the airport when you traveled to a conference and how you did many things you hadn't done on your own in years. Celebrate every single one of those moments! I, too, have been afraid of moving forward with a lot of things in my life because even though I've experienced success in different areas of life, I'm always scared of that one time that I may fall through. Keep sharing posts like this, because a lot of people out there, including myself, get it. We are works in progress, but all of us are on a journey to fight our way past the trauma responses and to live life to the fullest. Thanks again for all you're posting here!
Thank you so much Robin! I’m so glad this post resonates with you. Sometimes I worry I’m focusing too much on the “negative” and not doing enough to spread hope or positivity… but I also feel like this side of my story has to be shared, to keep everything in the right perspective.
Dealing with PTSD myself, I can totally relate to the fear you experience because many things in my day-to-day life scare me too. My emotion mind tells me that I have every right to be scared, but my wise mind tells me that I just need to chill out and not let my fears hold me back from doing the things I want to do, including finding some joy/happiness in my life. Yep, I'm afraid of joy/happiness because I fear that something bad will happen the very moment I allow myself to feel it and it will all be taken away. It happened all throughout my childhood and so many times in my adult life, so why would it be any different now? I see glimpses of and feel genuine bits of joy/happiness from time-to-time and then my protective behaviors kick in and push it away. Then my Type-A, perfectionist, critical self chimes in and I beat myself up for pushing away what I want so badly. What a battle...Thanks for sharing your story, Michael.
Thanks Betsy. It's definitely not something you can work out in, like, one afternoon. 😅 Some bits of our past, we might be able to reframe fairly easily, but in my experience there are some things that need professional help, and time and patience, in order to resolve.
I wonder though: what would happen if you and I took a week, or a month, and start paying attention to and expecting the joy/happy moments, instead of focusing on or anticipating the fear response? I don't think that would solve everything outright... but maybe it could introduce more balance into the equation... I'm gonna try it and see what happens.
Sounds like a great idea. I'm certainly willing to give it a shot.
Hey, Michael - You're taking a lot of steps forward that I was frightened to take years ago. This reminded me of when I went on some of my first airplane trips, as you mentioned what it was like to get a shuttle to the hotel from the airport when you traveled to a conference and how you did many things you hadn't done on your own in years. Celebrate every single one of those moments! I, too, have been afraid of moving forward with a lot of things in my life because even though I've experienced success in different areas of life, I'm always scared of that one time that I may fall through. Keep sharing posts like this, because a lot of people out there, including myself, get it. We are works in progress, but all of us are on a journey to fight our way past the trauma responses and to live life to the fullest. Thanks again for all you're posting here!
Thank you so much Robin! I’m so glad this post resonates with you. Sometimes I worry I’m focusing too much on the “negative” and not doing enough to spread hope or positivity… but I also feel like this side of my story has to be shared, to keep everything in the right perspective.
Anyway, I’m really glad you found it helpful.