Do people even HAVE fun in their own town?

Or do you have to go on vacation in order to have a good time?

Saturday night, I randomly wound up eating dinner by myself in a restaurant that’s along the route I take every day on my walk.

I wasn’t planning to stop at Dion’s Pizza and order a calzone.

I wasn’t planning on having to wait 20 minutes for it to be ready.

I definitely wasn’t planning on spending an hour of my time, sitting in a restaurant, where other people were sitting with their friends and families at their own tables, occupying the same basic space and time that I was.

I don’t like other people all that much, and I normally order DoorDash when I want to eat out. I never actually go to the restaurant and eat my meal there. Certainly not by myself…

And yet… there I was.

I hadn’t planned it; it just sort of happened.

I had been planning on going to an event earlier in the day at Texas Tech University… but that didn’t happen…

Maybe I should start my story there…

Saturday afternoon, the Museum of Texas Tech University held a holiday craft fair. They advertised it as a “trip around the world,” where visitors could learn about holidays and traditions from different countries and different parts of the world.

I kind of wanted to go, because I haven’t been out of my apartment since I got home from Austin in late October, except to go on my daily walk, and one time to go volunteer at the Buddy Holly Hall when ZZ Top was performing.

I haven’t had any in-person interaction with anyone since I got home from Austin, and I was starting to feel lonely and isolated, and I don’t want to feel that way all the time, anymore. So I thought, maybe if I felt up to it, I’d go to the fair at the Museum.

I thought that maybe if I did, it would help me bring more enthusiasm and excitement into my daily life here in Lubbock. And I really, really need more enthusiasm in my life!

Ever since I got home in October, life has been b-o-r-i-n-g… the way it always was before… but I don’t want my life to be boring, anymore.

I had a lot of fun this summer, traveling to Seattle, Washington, Long Beach, California, and Austin, Texas, and then taking a 3-day road trip from Austin to Lubbock, and driving all over Texas and seeing so many sights.

As soon as I got home to Lubbock, all the fun came to an abrupt end.

I don’t even know how to get this idea across — but…

I don’t know how to have fun here in the town where I live.

That sounds ridiculous, even as I type it, because I had so much fun traveling! I always enjoy myself when I go out of town.

On my road trip coming home from Austin, I was completely alone and I still had a blast! But literally the moment I crossed the town line into Lubbock, I started to get depressed.

I started to withdraw into myself, and repeat the same tired lie: that my home life is empty, and boring, and dull, void of any excitement, purpose, or meaning.

Without a car, or any friends nearby… it’s hard to change that. I want to change it, though, and I thought maybe if I could go to that craft fair, that could help me start drawing more “fun” into my daily life.

Like maybe it would light me up somehow, and spur me into action!

But the morning of the event, I just didn’t really want to go. I’m not a big fan of craft fairs to begin with, but I thought this one might be fun… but, apparently not fun enough for me to actually call an Uber and go to the darn thing…

I wanted to get out of the apartment though; I just didn’t wanna go to a craft fair. So I decided to skip it, and instead, I stayed home and watched way too much Gossip Girl. Not that you can watch too much Gossip Girl, but, I mean…

Around sunset, I decided that if I wasn’t gonna go to the craft fair, I ought to at least take my walk, and get out of the apartment for a little while.

And on my walk, without any planning, without even really intending to stop for dinner, I found myself walking into Dion’s Pizza, ordering a calzone that would take 20 minutes to prepare, and sitting alone at a corner table, where I could watch the other twenty or so diners, and just be around other people.

I don’t like being around other people. Or, at least, I didn’t used to.

But as I sat at my table and looked around the restaurant, observing the other diners with their friends and families… I felt… good. It felt reassuring to be around other people, and not just be locked up in my apartment, all alone, like I usually am.

I felt comfortable. I felt interested in what was going on around me. But not too interested — I didn’t want to be the weirdo in the restaurant that just sits and stares at everybody else.

I did long to go over to one of the busy tables though, and sit with everyone, even though they were all strangers to me. I just thought how nice it would be to be able to sit, and talk, and share a meal.

And I realized, for the first time since I moved to Lubbock in 2023, I want to be around other people.

I don’t want to be isolated, anymore. I don’t feel the need, or the desire, to stay away from everybody, to stay locked in my apartment 24/7, and withdraw from people and activities that I might actually be interested in.

I want to go out and find people and activities that will add depth and meaning to my life!

I’ve never wanted that before, ever. Well, not since middle school, at least.

And it feels like it just crept up on me, out of nowhere. But the truth is I’ve been working toward this the whole time — I just didn’t believe it would ever really happen.

I’ve been so used to being so lonely all the time, I thought that’s just how life is for me.

I was ready to accept that I would probably be alone for the rest of my life, because I just didn’t like people anymore, and didn’t want to put in the effort to go out and do things, and make friends, and I’d rather just stay home where I’m safe, and it’s quiet and predictable, and I don’t need other people as long as I’ve got Netflix and Pandora and can put one or the other of those on in the background to distract me from how horribly lonely I’ve become…

But on Saturday — even though I didn’t go to the craft fair at the Museum! — I still got out, and put myself inside a restaurant where there were other people around… and… I had fun. So much so that I wanna do it again.

I wanna start eating once or twice a week in all the different restaurants that are on my route. I want to get out of my apartment and get around other people, even if I’m sitting by myself at another table, I want to be where I can at least see other people having a good time.

Because if I can see other people, here in Lubbock, having a good time in their daily life… maybe I can figure out how to make that happen in my life, too.

And maybe then I’ll want to leave my apartment more often… and maybe the next time there’s an event at the Museum (or anywhere that I think sounds exciting)… maybe, just maybe… I’ll actually work up the nerve to go.

And maybe I’ll find out that it’s not too late for me to learn how to have fun in the town where I live.

---